Monday, March 9, 2009

Nothings and Everythings

I don't really know what I'm thinking these days. I feel very confident in myself, in the future. But at the same time, so much is uncertain, not revealed to me. It's odd being at this place in my life.
For example.
ResLife. I know what I want, I know what I think would be great, but who knows where they will put me? Who knows how hard it is going to be, what is going to come around the corner and yell SURPISE! as loudly as it can in my ear. Heck, it happened last semester, and I thought last semester was going to be the closest thing to perfect I had ever experienced (guess again...).
Another example.
School. Where did American Government come from, and why is it set on laying it's teeth into my backside?? Gosh! This class has made me reevalute my life, my ability to learn and study. Not only that, but it's made me view professors differently, and it's given me different relationships with other students. It's pretty much giving me a run for my money. And then there's that paper that my friend wrote, and all that research it took, all that time. Looking over her stuff made me ask myself, are you willing to work this hard? Are you going to step up and do the work required of you? Even a more frightening question: are you able to?
(do we ever stop growing? please?)
It's incredible.
Today Mom Nat and I sat down and read three chapters from Do Hard Things by the Wise brothers. Incredible. It made me think about the soup kitchen I wanted to open when I was a kid. Could I do that? How would I do that? Don't I have other things to do first? How american am I? What are the expectations within my brain dictating everything I do, and how do I rewrite them?
Discovering that you don't know yourself is odd, and for some reason I'm rather calm. I'm still confident.
Also, what is love?
I mean, that's random, but trust me, it fits.
How long is it going to take?
Am I waiting for the right thing?

I wish I wasn't so connected. Then I'd be able to write a specified post.

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